This past week, a friend of mine from seminary named Matt posted online that he was at a conference. At this conference, Matt heard a quote by a friend of his named Mark. So, Matt promptly took to Facebook to say, “I’m in a workshop at the . . . conference and [someone] just quoted Mark. . . So, you know, I want my money back.”
Of course, Matt was joking. He really didn’t want his money back. And, when Mark chimed in online with the actual quote, I thought that it might have been worth the price of the conference registration. So, here it is. . . the quote that started it all:
As a member of a community it is reasonable to expect to be comfortable 75% of the time but never 100%. So when something doesn’t go your way – you don’t like a hymn or the color of the carpet – you should first ask, is this part of my 25%? Because sometimes our discomfort makes room for someone else’s welcome. – The Reverend Mark Hanna, Pastor of Roland Park Presbyterian Church in Baltimore, MD
There are some who would probably quibble with Mark’s percentages, but I can see Mark’s point: it is reasonable to expect that if you are part of a community (church or otherwise), that you can expect to be “comfortable” a majority of the time. And that there are times when it is only natural that discomfort enters your experience of a certain community. It’s only natural. . . even if it’s uncomfortable.
Let’s use Mark’s example of a hymn that you might not know or like. Not all hymns are familiar. Not all hymns are enjoyable to sing. Hopefully, though, the hymn in question has been chosen because it fits with the scripture of the day or overall theme of the worship service. What if. . . (and sometimes, I know, it’s a BIG if. . .) there is part of this unfamiliar hymn that God uses to “speak” to someone in the room who is not you or I?
In Mark’s words, “sometimes our discomfort makes room for someone else’s welcome.” In other words, sometimes, it isn’t just about us. It’s about someone else. . . maybe someone else who desperately needs to feel comfortable even if it makes us a bit uncomfortable. Maybe, all of us would be wise to follow Mark’s example and ask, “Is this part of my only natural and completely reasonable 25%? Is this part of my 25% – the part that makes me uncomfortable but might make space for someone else’s welcome?”
A little clear-eyed perspective is always helpful, too: a hymn is usually only 3-4 minutes long. Maybe whatever comes next in the service will be life-giving and comforting to you.
Of course, if you are part of a community (church or otherwise) and you are uncomfortable a majority of the time, then it might be wise to say something and/or do something about it.
In a recent meeting of a church committee, someone shared that “people had been talking” about being uncomfortable about a certain thing. I responded that no one had come to me to talk about their discomfort. “Oh, they would be too uncomfortable to talk with you about it, John,” was the reply. “Well. . .” I said. “How am I supposed to do anything about easing discomfort if no one tells me they are uncomfortable?”
Some of the best and most fruitful discussions I have ever had in ministry have been with people who have gotten over their initial personal discomfort long enough to come and share their discomfort about other things with me. These discussions make me a better pastor and make the person who is sharing (even though it can be uncomfortable to share) feel truly heard.
I hope you know that my door is open, friends. My cell phone takes both calls and texts. My e-mail address is widely known, too. It’s reasonable to expect your pastor to listen to you. . . even if it’s hard for you to share.
We do live in times when there is great discomfort felt about any number of things. I hope that Bedford Presbyterian Church can be a place where people of differing views can feel comfortable to share them. For example, this past Sunday, we heard prayer requests both for “our troops in harm’s way in the Persian Gulf” AND “for the people of Iran.” I’m glad that this can be a place where both groups can be prayed for, even if praying for one or the other might make some folks uncomfortable.
Again, I hope that this is a place where everyone is comfortable a majority of the time – a place where we can worship, grow, pray, learn, and love in comfort and peace. But I also hope that we can work and pray our way through discomfort when it arises in ways that are healthy and life-giving for all of us. . . 100% of the time.
Seeking the peace and unity of the church. . .
Grace and Peace,
John
Prepare for Worship
This Week: “When Memory Leads to Compassion” (The Good News is. . . Protection and Care for the Vulnerable)
Read Matthew 19:13-15
Read Deuteronomy 24:17-22
Read or sing Hymn # 692 – “Spirit, Open My Heart”
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